i won't defer. i will survive!

i will survive! goddamnit! ughhhh surviving's gonna be tough though. let me see actually if i actually have 3 attempts for every paper. maybe i shouldn't have read that because now I'm terrified. candidates who don't meet the progression requirements as set out in paragraphs 11 and 12 fail the degree. fail the degree. fail. the. degree. oh my god. I'm fighting for my survival. pass pass pass! candidates who fail a year two subject and meet the progression criteria must resit in the IRDAP period. i can't do that! candidates with a fail mark that achieve a particular class of honours will be awarded honours below that they would otherwise receive. i.e.: if i fail one, and get four firsts, i will get a second upper. if i fail one and get a second upper, I'll get a lower second! NOOO. cannot! fruck i have to pass. 

mantra. i am zen. i am calm. i am so much more capable than i fear i am. learning is effective when it is spaced, active, association-based and difficult. learning is productive when it is fun, focussed and planned. 

what i need to aim for: pass in EU, 2.1 in company, first in property, first in evidence

how long do i have?: 11 days (including today) before EU, 23 days before evidence, 30 days before property and 32 days before company.

what's the most effective way to learn everything fast, but also remember everything well, and also think critically about and inter-associate everything they've learned?: 

1. spaced, active, association-based and difficult study techniques
1. i.e.: (SPACED) make a dent in all 4 modules everyday. 
2. (ACTIVE) don't do anything passively. form notes in the form of questions that ask "what's the point? what's the significance? what's the connection?
1. from pre-reading, any relevant questions? 
1. then scan only for the answers.
2. from a paragraph ask, what's the point? why is it important? what is it relevant to? is this a strong or weak point? is this a point i agree with?
1. WIRSA? 
2. this, you either continue reading to find out, or you have to think critically yourself, maybe connecting the paragraph to another paragraph, or to another reading or another point
1. target: comprehensive and complete tests of the topics. 
3. (ASSOCIATION-BASED) after thinking about a point, ask, "where does this point fit in the bigger picture? i.e.: if i described the topic in a mindmap, what would this point connect to and what would it look like?"
1. after fleshing out a point, add it to the larger mindmap of the topic, trying to make as many connections as possible?
1. target: comprehensive, complete, and complexly interconnected mindmap of all chapters.
4. (DIFFICULT)
1. recall! recall! recall!
2. dedicate some time everyday to a chapter you've already learnt!
1. from your question-based notes, test yourself of the answers.
2. from your mindmap, test yourself of the connection. 
3. what's difficult? rewiring your brain. 
1. you have problems. 
1. short attention span
2. poor impulse control
2. battle #1: beginning to study
1. focus in your morning routine
2. focus when taking breaks
3. focus in your bedtime routine
3. battle #2: studying
1. focus in your study timers
2. impulse control - drifting thoughts and bad physical habits
3. short attention span control. 
4. target: the same strict routine every day that is highly productive (i need this to survive) but healthy, sustainable, intuitively and practically easy to follow, and will-power wise, something i will want to implement. 
1. things i cannot care about: what time i wake up. what time i go to bed. go to bed when you're sleepy and not just tired.
2. things i have to care about: how much I've gotten done. my well-being. what i can do to keep the system going. 
3. .
5. battle strategy #1: the battle to start studying
1. morning routine (at whatever time) 
1. focus. as fast as you can, get through ready in the morning and begin studying. 
2. breaks
1. focus. chill. but do not take more time than you know you need. 
3. bedtime routine. (only when sleepy)
1. focus. as fast as you can, go to bed. 
2. .
6. battle strategy #2: the battle to study effectively
1. maintain focus by repetitively defeating your impulses and gradually increasing your attention span. 
1. grade your study sessions out of 10 in terms of focus and achievement in your blog. do not have study sessions go on for too long.
2. maximise recall by studying, in short sessions, every module in succession, then having a recall session (of anything you last recalled a while ago), then repeat.
1. e.g.: eu, evi, comp, prop, recall, evi, prop, comp, eu, recall...
2. target: a well-hit recall spreadsheet

what's your mantra? quick!

if it's hard, start small. life can be a series of small, curious and interesting steps. i want to make my family happy. i want to be okay. so long as i am constantly healthily productive, i will be okay. something is productive if its what i wanted to do and is good for me. learning is effective when its spaced, active, association-based and difficult. learning is productive when its fun, focused and planned. 

yes. anything to add to this mantra?

i want to create comprehensive tests for every topic. i want to create comprehensive, complexly inter-connected mindmaps of every topic. i want to create a well-hit recall spreadsheet. i want to win my small battles to start studying as fast as healthily possible. i want to win my small battles to study with focus, to control my impulses, and to gradually increase my attention span. i want to make progress in every module everyday. i want to pass all my modules. i want to survive. i will survive. 

i want to flow like water. to be easy, comfortable, congruent, and tension-less in everything i do, and to flow to where i have to go, do what i have to do, easily, willingly, and with purpose. life is like a tennis match, best when like water flowing.