small steps

if it's hard, start small. life can be a series of small, curious and learning-filled steps. i want to make my family happy. so long as i constantly think about my work, am constantly mindful and present, and am always productive in a healthy way, i will be okay. 

that last one is difficult.

small step #1: go over your IM notes from yesterday. 10 minutes. prioritise being focussed. no finger picking. no drifting. 

veryyyyy good. very good. i had to go beyond the 10 minute timer to finish the task, but good. focus 9/10. picked my finger and drifted at the same time only once. realised and stopped immediately. in 2 seconds. didn't do it again. was vigilant the whole time against the possibility that i might drift. goal 8/10. finished what i wanted to do, even went past the timer to do it. struck, not 10/10, 8/10, because i should be giving myself more realistic goals. 

gonna continue laundry, check whatsapp and drink.  

well done, for the most part. all morning and afternoon you've done nothing but things you wanted to do and were good for you. hmmmmmm I'm feeling so blegh. come on come on come on. ahhhhhhhhh. good shout

QUICK what's your mantra? I'm thinking of making some additions. something is productive if it's what you want to be doing and is good for you. work should be fun, focussed and planned in detail. learning should be spaced, active, association-based and difficult. 

okay, so the mantra is: 

if it's hard, start small. 

life can be a series of small, curious, learning-filled steps. 

i want to make my family happy. 

so long as i think about work constantly, don't oversleep, and am always healthily productive, i will be okay. 

something is productive if it's what you want to do and is good for you. 

learning is effective if its spaced, active, association-based and difficult. 

DO NOT DEFER. IT WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR YOU. DEFERRAL MEANS TELLING THEM. DEFERRAL MEANS THE STRESS OF APPLYING AND WAITING. DEFERRAL MEANS THE STRESS OF THINKING ABOUT IT FOR 3 MONTHS. DEFERRAL MEANS THE STRESS OF APPLYING AGAIN AND WAITING AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH A MUCH SMALLER LIKELIHOOD OF SUCCESS. DEFERRAL MEANS THE STRESS OF KNOWING YOU MIGHT HAVE TO PAY THOUSANDS OF RM TO COME TO LONDON FOR A WEEK. DEFERRAL MEANS HAVING TO ASK DADDY FOR THAT. NO WAY. NO WAY. FUCK THAT. THAT'S WHAT DEFERRAL MEANS. DEFERRAL IS TOO MUCH STRESS. JUST PASS COMPANY LAW. 

just pass it. even your worst essay was a 3rd class, and you remember clearly how bad that essay was. failing is impossible. 

for learning to be effective it must be spaced, active, association-based and difficult. 

an hour of company law a day keeps the failure away. keeps the stress away. 

an hour of EU law a day keeps the failure away. 

the rest of the time? property and evidence. many hours of both a day keeps the firsts in mind. 

do not defer.