i am so, so, so, so grateful for this blog right now. It's strange. I opened my school work to start the day and I was feeling so bitter about it. ugh, i have to do work and i don't want to do work right now. at least not yet. i haven't even done anything fun in the day and I have to work. that's not really true, i was laughing to Dear Hank and John for a while just now, i for 2 minutes just now that's how i felt. and then I remembered, wait a minute, I'm not supposed to do work just yet! I'm supposed to blog for a bit! that's right! i find this really fun. many times i think that if I were two people, i'd be best friends with myself. a much better friend to myself than i am in my current consciousness-self relationship.
anyways, journal dournal.
it's Wednesday my dudes. yesterday went fairly well. went to an hour's class, great. did about 5 hours of studying, wonderful. grocery shopped. followed all my rules at home, didn't procrastinate my bedtime routine, amazing. but. i overslept (1). i woke up at 10:44 when i was supposed to wake up at 6:30. I forgot to set an alarm and slept for 13 straight hours. (2) i went to bed at 11:30, not 9:30, causing me to wake up today at 7:50. but i wasn't procrastinating, i was mealprepping and shopping. not sure the fix there. (3) i left for school at 9:30, not 8:30, when I could have really done that. that was procrastination. it was snowing and i couldn't bear the idea of cycling in the snow. so i ended up waiting a bit and cycling in the rain. haiya. altogether, (1)(2) and (3) took out six hours of otherwise school time. so this is how people become ultra productive. can you imagine someone who can pull off perfect days many, many, days in a row? everything would become so easy. maybe that's what's in store for me. maybe that's how i get a first in these law exams. maybe, hey, that's how i become friends with my professors?
i wonder if anyone here manages to do that. maybe no one does. i see the gap. this is how i become the best law student in my lse cohort.
ah! no I'm feeling down again, no! what i am grateful for, is how much I'm already doing! AND, and this is important to remember when improving at something, how much i have improved, because i have! (1) I don't dread the day anymore so much so that I choose to lay in bed for hours after I wake up. (2) I don't procrastinate for so long on my phone in my room for so long that I end up doing no work, whatsoever in the day. (3) I don't choose to skip my lectures anymore, and I don't skip my classes anymore. (4) I have stopped oversleeping by a lot. the open-door rule worked! (5) i have killed my addiction to youtube, Instagram, and all kinds of doom-scrolling. the app bans, accountability buddy system and phone-in-kitchen rule worked! (6) i am much more connected to my family and friends than I was a month ago, and last semester. the Instagram stories are a great idea! (7) i did like, 8 hours of work on Monday, and 6 hours of work yesterday. that's a massive, massive improvement to how productive I used to be.
i'm on the rise. summer exams here i come.
sebastian, i'm gonna frickin' ace your EU law class.
god, if my EU law class goes well this week, I will be so, so happy. you don't know how happy it would make me. you don't understand how anxious EU class has made me. how small it's made me feel. how sad i get after EU class. how stupid i feel to everyone. how inadequate.
i need this class to go well. i need it to. for my confidence.
this is what will happen: EU class will be amazing, and then Evidence class will be spectacular. why? because for both classes I will have done (1) pre-lec-prep (2) lecture notes (3) lecture notes consolidation and review (4) pre-essential reading prep (class questions, quizzes, headers) (5) essential reading notes (6) essential reading notes consolidation and review (7) class questions.
one sec, i forgot to message edmund that i don't have time for the Christian thing today.
i decided against cancelling. it'll be my motivation to study as much as i can for as long as i can before 6pm.
let's see what i can get up to!
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11 - 1 - eu citizenship lecture notes
1 - 1.30 - lecture notes consolidation and review
I ate so much, so no lunch break. i have jelly donuts to eat
1.30 - 2.30 - pre-essential reading prep (I'm not entirely sure how long this will take, but I'll try do it comprehensively but quickly)
2.30 - 3.15 - reading session 1
3.15 - 4 - reading session 2
4 - 4.45 - reading session 3
4.45 - 5.30 - reading session 4
5.30 - 6 - notes consolidation and review
annnnddd go!
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