it is. thinking about ariadne. wondering how she's doing. if she's doing alright. how she's managing with all her family troubles. thinking about pasiphae. surely her story gets better, right? i can't imagine an eternity of emptiness. she has died a divine death. i cringe when she cringes, i shudder to think of what pain she must have endured. poseidon you prick. minos you deluded misogynist. everyone is so high and mighty. there is much to learn from leaders who don't glitter. hank, I'm sorry for your loss.
pity for the minotaur. pity for minos. pity for the gods. it applies to all. a swelling anger towards the notion that there is greater reason behind so much cause for pity.
an albert camus styled anti-natalist story. one that reads as easy as the stranger.
but no, i don't think it's morally necessary for humanity to end. it's just morally necessary for humanity to stop causing more suffering than it must. people can still have children, i guess. but then again, i can't judge a human like an animal when a human can consider the consequences to their decision to have children - specifically consequences on the child. no. they can't.
i think this, but i too want children. for myself. and im proving my point. but maybe also for the child. maybe also to do good in this world by doing good to a child. but no, i still don't think it makes sense. i think its hard to argue that life is more good than not. that the unborn would like to be born. i think life is great and full of blessing arguments forgets that life is, at every point, even at its bests, full of insecurity. maybe I'm arguing the wrong point. i am. the better point is that the good parts aren't worth the bad. and that there's no virtue in bringing new life to the world and making their life good. you're not fixing anything. the fact is that they wouldn't have minded not being born. you're depriving them of the good you're gonna do them? they're not alive! they don't care! the proportion of good in the world will be increased in you doing so? if they end up living a life of more good than bad then what you say is true. still, what you say isn't important because its not good. I'm struggling to find the words to express why i think its a dumb argument. i suppose the words are these: it doesn't matter. the good you bring into the world through nurturing new life is false good. good that is good to no one but that new life, that wouldn't have needed the good had they not been born. and as for the good that new life brings to others? perhaps there is more strength in that argument. "i want to have children so that my children can bring good to the world". i'll have to think about that. i have some responses but they're not killer. m first response is: you still shouldn't because there is too much risk that that won't happen. my second response is: you can do the same by nurturing children already born. my third response is: no, actually, there is no third response. the third response is what I'm looking for, because the first two are insufficient. too easy to dismiss. i can feel it. it's there. it's on the tip of my frontal cortex. I'll express it one day.
how do people become better at critical thinking? i wish i was better. i read but i find i read passively. i don't engage. maybe i should use this blog to consider what I've read. hmmm.
what i read abt yesterday: andrew state and masculinity, and why it appeals so much to young men, how there is something legitimately there that is missing in our culture, something actually beneficial that state offers, that we need to create a good substitute for. that thing is the feeling that they lack purpose, and drive to pursue that purpose. it's a difficult question to find balance to. i struggle to find balance everyday. we need to do. but at the same time, remember to take care of yourself, and that you don't really need to do if you don't want to, and that you need to stop doing things for others. still, we need to get things done. oh its so confusing. i have yet to find a satisfactory answer to the conundrum that reconciles the demand to get things done and the reminder to do things for oneself and remember to focus on what really matters. maybe the difficulty is peculiar to me, because i don't think anything matters. inherently. maybe the answer is: find things you yourself are passionate for, find what really matters to you, and get things done for that purpose. Adam said he doesn't think you can be happy in work you don't find interest in. i disagreed at the time but I'm starting to agree. what's another word for starting to agree?
i also read ariadne, as you can tell. do i objectify women? i certainly cling onto cute girls for an extra second if accidentally make eye contact, but then i do that to good-looking guys too.
what it got me thinking about is that i somewhat, sometimes, regret being as apolitical, and apathetic about oppressed groups' problems as i am. reminds me of that time i said to zul that i agree those who don't fight systemic racism, whilst benefitting from it, are part of the problem. they allow it. he disagreed. do people not in the oppressed group have a responsibility to help solve their problems? will have to think about that.
anyways, I've wasted an hour. happy saturdays. but i got to get things done.
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grateful: for the week thus far. it's been good. i haven't felt overwhelmed in over a week. yesterday wasn't the best - evi class was painfully silent - but it was good. attended everything, came to everything prepared and answer questions. more of the same please. i can do well for this exam. yeah! i can do well!!!!! i can get all firsts!!!! it's humanly possible. lmao. dom wth. grateful... to have a better understanding now of the path i want to take: pro bono over the whole of next year; i need to do relevant work experience over the summer; i need to do v well for my exams; i need to do v well in maintaining a v productive study schedule over the next two months.
it begins everyday. it begins today.
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to do:
lunch
1 - 1.40 - pre-lecture-prep
1.45 - 3.45 - EMU lecture
3.45 - 4.- lecture notes consolidation
4.05 - 4.45 - reading session 1
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oh my god. why can't i be bothered? it's 1.12 and i haven't started.
i know why: because I underslept; i just ate a large meal; and my mind would rather continue watching tennis videos.
i'm back. okayyy breathe. we have to prepare for the eu law class on Monday.... we have today, which is another 3 hours and 50 minutes.... we have tomorrow from lunch to 8..... we have Monday from 8 to 11am...we have 13 hours..... but preferably i don't want to use Monday for EU at all, so we have 10 hours.... ah shit dinner tomorrow with Muhammad, we have until 6pm tomorrow.... so have to be strict on tennis after 11 and lunch and shower. but I'll probably start at 2 anyways... ughhhhhhhhahh! i'm feeling like caps lock right now. 4 hrs today. 4hrs tomorrow. 3hrs before class. this isn't enough time to be sufficiently ready for class. and then lunch on Monday. 2-6 lectures... ugh..... okay. i can't finish all the readings. i need to prep for both eu and property. today is EU. that lecture is mine. 4hrs of EU. tomorrow is 2hrs of EU and 2hrs of property. monday is 3hrs of EU in the morning, and 2hrs of property after lectures. tuesday is 3 hrs of property in the morning and property class. okay. can do.
1.30 - 2.40 - lecture prep
2.45 - 4.45 - emu lecture
4.50 - 5.10 - notes consolidation
and go!
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