the motivation to work must first and foremost come from yourself. at the same time, you must have people and measures to help keep you accountable to your goals and to help steady you in times you can't do so for yourself. adam thought of my Instagram strategy - the one in which I post daily work reports to my friends and family - as toxic. he said it created too much external pressure and shifted motivation away from myself and to others.
he's right. this is the same problem i had in early 2021.
anyways, it's not a huge problem, i'll just be more chill from now on. it helps that i don't force myself to say anything in detail, that if i don't get any work done in a day i can hide behind the "C" grade i give myself. it's important that i continue posting. i need a way to ensure that 10-day slumps in which i don't get anything done don't happen again. but it's equally important that i ensure that the primary source of my motivation comes from within, and that i stay genuine and kind to myself.
it looks like i have a few hours before i have to head to the marshall building for squash with adam, so i'll get a bit of work done.
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journal!
i completely forgot! i. am. grateful. i am. genuinely and honestly. i have friends, which isn't something i could always say. i have people in my life, many people, that i know love me. i know what love is and that in itself is wonderful. they care for me, and i for them. i care. another thing i haven't always been able to say. i don't feel miserable today. i don't feel overwhelmed. i know i'm unlikely to achieve all firsts in the coming exams and yet i'm quite alright, because i know that i can get all 2.1s. an hour and a half on EU law for the next month will be more than enough to get to grips with everything. enough time to ponder all further readings and play with essay plans. three and a half hours a day on company law, and two and a half on evidence and property for the next 50 days will be enough to memorise the black letter law and grapple with the further readings. i can't make any promises about essay plans, though. and i think that's okay. i've proved, i think, 10 times - wow, 10 times - before that i don't need to do essay plans to get a 2.1. i will feel alright.
sitting by the glass-paned door in the lower floor of the Marchmont Costa, watching as the green leaves outside rustle in the gentle march wind, vibrant in colour and life against the bright, blue sky.
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weekly planning? anything.... not really. nothing to book. in fact, i need to refund my monday and tuesday bookings.
they didn't pick up. i'll go there in person since it's stopped raining. but before that, i'll practice my serves.
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today
130-2 - serves
2-230 - lsesu refund
230-5 - study
5-6 - squash
7- dinner
8-10 - study (till i study the daily minimum for all subjects)
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tomorrow i think i'll come to the sports hall at 8 to practice hitting
damn i can't do that. it's booked at 8 everyday to the 29th. can i hit after 9pm? pls pls pls
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